Mum woke me up at 6 AM today. Lovely. Well, I did tell her to wake me up when she wakes up; it's just that, er, I didn't think she'd wake up so early. Sigh. Well, I had breakfast, some coffee, and a shower, then went straight back to sleep for a couple hours. I've been so exhausted lately - no surprise, considering, but still. It's kind of taking its toll. On the other hand, at least I'm still managing to function. I think part of that has to do with the fact that I'm, y'know, eating properly now that I'm at mum's.

There was some baking done today. I offered to help out, but she told me no. Ah, well. She made some shortbread yesterday, and today was cherryloaf and ginger cookies. Normally, I would be the one doing all the Christmas baking. All of it. I like doing it. But, well... just how it's going to be this year. But she says that when I'm finished all my schoolwork, we'll make butter tarts, with handmade pastry. Duck tortiere, too. Hah, no surprise that she's waiting for me to finish so we can do that; I'm actually better at rolling and pressing pastry than she is.

Today was work and work and more work. Fortunately, I'm finished with my analysis of Stolen, and now I'm making my way through the long essay on La Grande Illusion. Sure, it's a very long essay, but I know the material for this one inside and out, have a lot of sources, and a ton of things to say about it. While I don't have the film on me, I do have a soundfile of the audio commentary, and I also have the script. So, I think I'm good for that. The only assignment that I'm kind of worried about is the essay on Kiss of the Fur Queen. I'm not confident in my ability to do that and do it well, sigh. But, it'll get done. At this point, I only care about getting it done.

Tomorrow is the Solstice. Well, guess in a few minutes, it'll technically be today. By all the gods, I hope every one of you will have a good day tomorrow. Soon the sun's going to shine again.

Okay, so: The last batch of cards has finally been sent out. Since I'm mailing it from Fort Mac, these ones might be a little late. Sorry, guys! I've just been so busy that I hardly have time to think, let alone get extra things done.

Things have been kind of crazy. I've been feeling up and down and up and down for various reasons, schoolwork being only one of them. Time's running short and pretty soon I'm going to have to be finished, whether I like it or not. I'm kind of worried that I won't get it done, to be honest - but, well. I guess I don't have much of a choice, haha.

Mum's off work for the break. She's a teacher, so she is finished when the students are. She's hinted that she might start the Christmas baking tomorrow, and I'm pretty excited about that. Mmmm fudge and shortbread and thimble cookies and ginger cookies! Most excellent. Even though I'll be busy, I'll probably take some time to help her. Except for the thimble cookies, most of these don't take a lot of time to put together, so it's no big deal. It's the sitting and waiting for each batch to bake that takes a while. It's really too bad that we only make these things at Christmas time; I know that I'm up for ginger cookies any day of the year.

My brother came over to visit tonight. He brought his girlfriend and his dog with him. I can't say I'm too fond of the girlfriend, mostly for various reasons that I won't get into. And it doesn't help that she has a rather bland personality. But anyway, the puppy is cute. Last time I saw him was at Thanksgiving, and he was still pretty tiny then. He's grown a bit, but though he's larger now, he still doesn't look like a full-grown Cavalier.

Man. I am so ready to be done school. :| I swear, when I'm finished with all these essays, I'm going to do nothing except sleep and eat and watch Moomins.

Merovingian and Carolingian burial sites discovered near Paris.

From the 5th-6th centuries and 8th-10th centuries. Pretty old stuff, that. Awesome.

Can't concentrate right now because the parents are talking and arrrrgh so, taking a little break. Just need to do 1 3/4 more pages of this particular essay, and then I'm done (except for the editing). It's the worst piece of shite I've ever written, but that's fine.

WHILE I am thinking of it, a note for those sending mail to me: If you haven't sent it out yet, everything should be sent to my Saskatchewan address, not the Alberta address, as mail is slow in the north and it won't arrive before I leave.

Urgh, my shoulders are so sore - probably just from sitting, sitting, sitting for weeks now, haha. Oh, that's life. But also something else, and it's odd - my left hand has been feeling strange for days. The last two fingers are tingly and a bit numb, a bit of the palm too. Not going to lie, I'm a bit concerned - not only because of the numb, but also because it's my left. I need that for writing. But ah, at this point I can't really worry about it much, as I don't have time. I hope it's just because I'm stiff and sore or something.

I'm so glad to be home - and not just because it's warm and the furnace doesn't make weird noises. It's nice to have someone feed me, haha. I've gotten so sick of cooking my own food. And eating the same thing every day. And not having anything nice to eat, and not having time to make anything more complicated than boiled eggs and couscous. ... Anyway. Er. Yeah. I really missed my mum's cooking. I hope she'll make meatloaf while I'm here, because hers is the best ever.

And I did miss having company. That's one thing I hate about living alone. I go days without actually talking with anyone. Sure, my family drives me absolutely up the wall, but at least they're people that I can talk to. It's a good thing.

There are other things I missed, too. Small things, like the fact that the sun is set by 4 PM, or the fact that there is always sour cream on the table at supper, or the way we stack mail on the kitchen counter, or the fact that downstairs we have all of my grandmother's old antique furniture. Sigh.

Though there's no doubt that by January 2nd I will be chomping at the bit, wanting to go back to Saskatchewan. But it's nice to be home for a little while.

Well, after staying up most of the night and only getting about 2.5 hours of sleep, I scrambled around trying to get packed and ready before heading out to catch the plane to Fort Mac. It was cold as a cod's balls outside, but then again, what else is new? Sigh. Didn't eat breakfast, nor lunch neither. The wait to catch the first flight was a while, so I turned on my itouch and bothered Minako over MSN for a while. Same old thing.

Ugh. I'm so tired right now. Mm, but I'm safe in Fort McMurray now, and mum's making supper, and I'm going to go to bed early tonight. At least, I'm going to try to go to bed early. My brother said he'd be coming over for a while after he gets off work - and that's at 7PM. He'll probably be bringing his dog, too. Gah, I had hoped to be in bed by 8 (I'm serious, here) but it looks like I won't be. Oh, well. I'll live.

When I got home, there was some mail waiting for me. kawanee and moaamo, I received your cards <3 Was nice to come home to that.
Haa, some people have been receving mine, too. So many comments about glitter, ahaha. I am pleased. 8)

Sigh. Tomorrow = putting nose to the grindstone. But tonight will be supper and rest and then sleep.

Today is not good. But maybe tomorrow will be better. It's very cold again today, ughhhh. But at least the sun is shining.

Tomorrow (15th) I'll be flying up to Fort McMurray to visit my family for Giftmas. Don't expect me to be around much. I'll be busy with them, and with school work. Also, because of time zones, my time will be shifting back one hour. Not sure if that will change much, but figured it wouldn't hurt to mention it.

To the remaining four people whose cards haven't been sent out: I'll be mailing those tomorrow before I leave. Some of them might arrive rather late <3 Many apologies. (I can hardly believe I'll have sent out over 30 this year. Wow.)

My anxiety levels are through the roof right now, and I'm kind of in a bad place at this moment, but I can get through it. No biggie. Just life. Getting things done will be easier when I'm back in Alberta, when I won't have to worry about household things and can only concentrate on work.

I've already mentioned it to some people, but after thinking about the issue for some time, I've decided that I'm no longer going to pursue a PhD after I complete my masters degree. I've found that being in graduate school has had a very negative effect on both my physical and mental health, and I think it would be very unwise to continue with it. I'm fine with this, but I'm worried my parents will be disappointed... but considering that they know about my various issues, I hope they'll understand. Besides, who knows, maybe if I change my mind I could go back eventually (but I doubt I'll change my mind, at least not soon).

It's a rather frightening step, but it's for the best.

Now, so I won't forget, I'll just write down the things I need to do between now and 3 PM tomorrow - because clearly Livejournal = notepad.

( Blah blah blah )

This is just ridiculous.

-43C/-45.4F? Are you fucking kidding me, Saskatchewan?

( Apparently not )

This is ridiculous. :| I think maybe I'll just lock myself in my house and stay there FOREVER. Gods fucking damn.

I had considered going out for supper tonight because I stayed home the entire day yesterday and now of course that means I'm antsy as hell, but uh... yeahhhh not sure how I feel about that now. Sure, it's not a huge deal if you dress properly, but argh, I just don't feel like it. :| Maybe I'll just camp out at the cafe all day.

In other news, I spoke with Stephen yesterday. He's the guy who has lived in our building the longest, and he knows things. The furnace has been going crazy the last couple days; making the weirdest fucking noises all day and all night. He said that it seems to be the same problem we had last year, something to do with the radiator system. I can't quite explain it, but basically things are fucked up, and if we don't figure out what's going down then we might end up with another broken furnace again. Considering how cold it's been, and how hellish last year was with the furnace broken in the winter, you can guess that I'm not too thrilled about that idea.

Trying to sleep last night was rather entertaining, what with the furnace making those noises, sounding like it could explode at any moment - and my bedroom right over the furnace room, hah. :| Sometimes it'd stop for a couple minutes, and whenever it would stop, I'd count, waiting for the "Kaboom". Sigh.

Anyway. Schoolwork is currently kicking my ass somethin' awful and I feel like I'm going insane. It's probably going to be the same up until midnight on the 22nd. Lovely. After that, family stuff. But after that, I'll be free for a few days! .... I'm returning to Saskatchewan on the 2nd or something. Damn, what a short-ass vacation. SIGH. But I have a pretty light second semester so like, maybe what I'll do is when school starts up again, I'll go to my class and then just... catch up on all my sleep after that. *facedesk*

I'm having a lot of difficulty with school right now. I won't get into it, because nobody wants to read whining (and right now I have no desire to whine, really) but basically I'm just finding everything so hard. It's hard to get through all this. Argh, you know, this essay I'm working on, it was due at 4 PM today, but it still isn't done. I'm not going to do an all-nighter, though. Just... get up early tomorrow. Do it. There.

I'm still bummed about Solstice, even though I should be used to not being able to celebrate it the way I would like. The thing I should be remembering is this: The day after Solstice is the day my essay is due. So after that, everything will be finished - for this semester, that is. After that, I'll have brighter days coming up, most certainly.

I guess I just have to keep my mind on the good things.

Ugh. I just -- today sucked. Today sucked so bad, even though it started out really really good. I think it might have something to do with working, and with being cooped up in this room, and I just -- argh, I don't even know.

I'm going to be going to bed soon, but before I go I think maybe I'll make a short list of some of the things I intend to do in 2010, to keep myself motivated. If I don't finish all my work, I won't be able to do any of these things, because my plans will have to change and things will get in the way.

( Here we go )

... So. There we are. And now, to bed. Hopefully tomorrow will be less suck.

Archaic Mark is a 19th-century forgery, not a medieval manuscript

On the one hand, it's a damn shame that it isn't real. On the other hand, I've always found forgeries fascinating. I like speculating about the motivations behind their creation, and the process that the creator went through to get the final product. It's just so neat.

By the way, most of the cards are sent out. There are just three that I still have left to do, and they're all in Canada - will be sending them out soon. I know that at least one person has already received their card <3 I'm rather happy about that. Hopefully everything will get to people before Christmas.

Notifs still not working, but it looks like things are actually starting to push through the line. Good. It's kind of crazy how much I rely on them. You don't appreciate something you have until it's broken. Keeping up a conversation is difficult, and roleplaying is almost out of the question (I haven't the patience to keep f5ing).

Going to bed unusually early tonight. I have an essay due late tomorrow afternoon, but I think it will be far more productive for me to get a good night's sleep than it would be for me to stay up all night and try to pound my way through it. So, for the first time in quite a while, I'm going to go to bed at a semi-reasonable hour, and get up at a semi-reasonable hour too. Amazing. My sleeping patterns really need to re-arrange themselves before I head out to visit my parents, sigh. So for tonight, it's a cup of herbal tea, then bed. Maybe a chapter of my fantasy book before I turn out the light and call it good.

I'm leaving on the 15th. My time is going to be very limited while I'm there, and I'm not too thrilled about it. I have no idea how I'm going to get everything finished - but I'll manage, somehow. On the one hand, distractions during the evening. On the other hand, mum and dad are still working, and my brother no longer lives with them, so at least I'll have peace and quiet during the daytime. It's strange, too - that place no longer feels like my home. It's not my house, it's their house. This place in Saskatoon, this is my house. So for that reason, I feel kind of reluctant acting entirely freely when I'm there. That will help with motivation, I'm sure.

Guy came over to check out the radiator today. He was surprised at how chilly it was in my house. Apparently, there was something admiss with the rad. Well, he poked and prodded it, and it's working a bit better now. He also managed to get the one in the kitchen working, which pleases me immensely. Gods know that one has never ever worked the entire time I've lived here, so it's nice to have that done. Hopefully I won't have to use my heater much in the future.

Mnh, I've been in a strange mood for days, and it seems today was even stranger. I'm not quite sure how to describe it. I think maybe I just need to get out of this house. Part of the problem is that it's too cold out, and I have no reason to go anywhere anyway, but... ah. Well. What can a person do? I guess I'll just have to wait it out. Sigh. It doesn't help that I've been stressed out from school and such. Essays, essays, essays - not to mention that I have a ton of e-mails in my inbox that I just can't bring myself to read right now. Well, I'll get that done, maybe tomorrow evening. Sigh.

On a fanfiction-related note, don't expect anything from me until after Christmas, period. On the other hand, some other people are producing some good stuff right now. If you like the Nordics, and you like genfic, might want to read Until Someone Loses An Eye by Kainoliero, if you haven't done so already. Reading this was juuuust the de-stresser I needed today.

ARGH. Notifications are still not working. Sigh. I know LJ is working on the problem - well, they say they are, and I guess I might as well take their word for it - but still. Very frustrating. It's really hard to hold a conversation like this, and don't even get me started on roleplaying.

Anyway, now I really wonder what the hell the Roastery puts in their fancy drinks. It's 3 AM and I'm only just now starting to get tired, what the fuck. I didn't even have a lot of coffee today at all; just my usual cup in the morning, then something in the early evening called an "After Eight". Basically coffee + steamed chocolate milk + mint flavouring + whipped cream. So delicious, but they only have it at Christmas time. Anyway, that's probably the reason why I'm not tired. But it's still annoying.

Today was cold as a cod's balls, ugh. -37C or something like that. What the hell. I had plans to go get my hair trimmed, and I'd entertained ideas of going to the mall to grab my brother's birthday present while I have the time, but that definitely wasn't happening. No way in hell was I going to wait for the bus in this weather. So I stayed inside most of the day, ended up antsy as hell, practically climbing the walls. Ended up going out in the cold anyway to get some supper because I needed to do something and didn't feel like cooking. Spent time at the cafe later on, too, as I mentioned.

In any case, I'm really glad that I went out and bought a little electric heater last week. Hah, this morning I was thinking that the furnace had broken down again or something, because it was so cold, even with the heater on. Nope, nope. It's just cold as fuckin' Siberia outside, and this old building can't handre it.

Derpitty derp. I've taken to reading fantasy again. There was this one cheapo paperback on my bookshelf, you know the kind. No idea how it got there as I don't remember buying it for myself. Anyway, it's Luck in the Shadows by Lynn Flewelling, and it's the kind of stuff I used to devour in high school. Not exactly intellectual literature, but it's entertaining. At this point, my brain cannot handle intellectual. No history or "classics" for me, not until my brain recovers a bit - and that won't be until all the papers are written. Who knows when that will be. I haven't made as much progress as I would like, but I had made some... well, no matter what, it will get written. Who knows if it'll be good or not, but it'll get written.

...This song makes me want to write Swe/Nor, and I have no idea why. Maybe something to do with the quiet, lovely imagery. Anyway, speaking of fic, I haven't been doing a whole lot of it lately for obvious reasons. Sigh. But there was a flash-fiction thread at the anonmeme tonight, so I scribbled out some quick Est/Fin. Heartlines. Took me about half an hour. And now I remember that I've forgotten like, almost everything I used to know about palmistry. Siiiiigh.
OH. OH. And while I'm thinking of Est/Fin and Swe/Nor, someone posted some today, and it made me really happy so I'll link it here - 'Acceptance' and 'Stay Here With Me'. It's so infrequently that someone else writes this stuff - so when I do see it, I get all excited, eeeee.

Disorder	Your Score
Major Depression:	Slight
Dysthymia:	Slight-Moderate
Bipolar Disorder:	Slight-Moderate
Cyclothymia:	High-Moderate
Seasonal Affective Disorder:	High
Postpartum Depression:	N/A
Take the Depression Test

:v

guess everything will be cool after I take these fucking entrance exams... (kess than 5 months, less than 5 months omg)